Last week’s challenge was hard! I didn’t realize how much TV I watched while eating. I had so many shows left! This week (and a few after that), I will do a another type of challenge…
I want to get real with you guys. The only way I can show you how amazing God has been in my life is to show you some of the ugly parts of myself. I don’t really want to do that. I would love to continue this blog just showing all the happy parts of our marriage and the all-together parts of me. But I find that I do everyone a disservice if I just keep the blog all saccharine and sunshine without a few real peeks into who I am and where I’ve been. Blame it on the inspiration of Live Simply Love. That Merritt girl can really get to my heartstrings sometimes.
So, here’s a piece of my back story to my journey so far. In high school, I rarely dated and never kissed. In college, I perfected the art of dating one guy every week for a full semester (I probably did this for half of my college career, although I did manage to have a few longer relationships than that). I would kiss and tell, kiss and not tell, it really didn’t matter as long as there was kissing. I was the farthest away from God than I had ever been in my life. And I had the big empty hole in myself to prove it.
I went from one bad relationship to the next. Now, I want to disclaimer that just because the relationship was bad did not mean the guy attached to the relationship was. And talking about them isn’t really a part of this particular story. I was just in a really unhealthy place in my life, and asking someone to respect me was at the bottom of my list.
I realized when I hit rock bottom. It was the day I was talking to a friend, and he was telling me how excited he was to take this girl out on a date that weekend. He went on and on about how wonderful she was both inside and out, and how nervous and excited he was to finally get the chance to date her. I had heard all the stuff about playing hard to get and respecting yourself first before dating, but I didn’t get it until that point. I wasn’t the girl that guys were excited to date. I was just there to bide their time until they met the girl they were really looking for.
I realized I had been going about relationships all wrong. I wanted the wrong things, and I was chasing after these wrong things. I now wanted something amazing, something worth waiting for. So, on my way home from that conversation, I just drove around and cried and prayed. I realized that I had no idea what I was doing, and the God who created relationships was the only one who could fix this. I had to give this over to him, all of it.
The next outing I went on with a boy was to look at the Christmas lights at a park near our college. I told God that I would let him lead the date. I prayed that he was a man of integrity and respect. During that whole date, we never even held hands. Do you know how exciting that was for me? And he opened every door. And we talked about life, family, goals, dreams, anything we wanted to. We never talked about being in a relationship or if we should date or not. We just talked.
And that’s how I met Michael.