I like being busy. I like experiencing life. I like that adrenaline rush jumping from one thing to the next, while still planning future “jumping” at the same time. In my culture (meaning where I have grown up, which could be very different from the person living next to me), busy-ness equals productivity. It equals living. If you aren’t busy, and you don’t have anything to show for it (*cough cough* aka pictures *cough cough*), then you aren’t living.
However, when I am in this adrenaline rush, I am most prone to illness. Even though I had several plans for this month, very little actually happened. You see, I was sick at the very beginning of the month with what we thought was a strange allergy, which steadily sucked all the energy right out of me. I would say it was a sinus infection on steroids, but saying that makes me laugh every time (cause you take steroids sometimes to help sinuses). I think I spent more time with my head on my desk this month than I have in years. I would get these bursts of energy and think, “Yes! Finally over!”, only to find out a couple hours later that I wasn’t quite done being sick.
Even in a healthy month, though, I admit that I don’t ever think I’m busy enough. It’s probably a lot worse in the summer, watching all my friends take on these fabulous trips, weekend outings, and even spontaneous weeknight events. It’s not all necessarily just the “fun time” parts of summer either. I see friends on mission trips and out serving the community, and I ask myself, “Should I be doing that?” or more accurately, “Should I be doing more?”
And allow my struggle to show itself for a moment. I have been really busy this month, despite my illness. I helped with our church’s VBS, planned a couple of outings with the husband, hung out with a friend for lunch and pedicures, as well as planning my husband’s big birthday bash at the end of this month.
But today, I stopped myself from the constant wonder at my amount of productivity and activity long enough to really ask, should I be so busy? Should I have these awesome, inventive plans every day just to experience life? I started to search through the Bible, and one verse popped right out at me.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
I thought about the story of Mary and Martha, Mary sitting at the foot of Jesus while Martha was busy in the kitchen. I know I am more of a Martha than a Mary, but shouldn’t that convict me not to chase after a busy life, but instead work towards slowing down and find that place to just be with God?
I know with all the chaos in the world and in my heart, I have even more conviction to pursue stillness in my life. What has convicted you lately?