Another Getting Real Post

I haven’t been writing my week in reviews the past two weeks.  I hope to amend that this week.  I’ve been getting to the end of my weeks tired from all the activities and deadlines and weather.  It’s not really an excuse, but it’s something.

Today, I want to talk about something that I’ve tried to write for the past four days.  I’ve started and re-started this post.  I’ve thought about making it into a video, but I really need to write again.  It’s all about vlogging and where this journey has taken me so far.  You might think that I’ve only been vlogging for a couple weeks, how far could the journey be, but this journey started long before that.

About five years ago, I was introduced to daily vlogging by this family called the Shaytards (also known as the Butler family) on YouTube.  I was fascinated by how they shared their lives every day.  They aren’t the only ones now on YouTube, but they were definitely one of the first.  It’s neat now how you can go back and watch their family grow and go on adventures and just share life.

I wanted to do that.  But all I’ve ever known was blogging, and to be honest, I don’t feel very confident as a blogger.  I write okay.  My grammar could be better.  I tend to write in run-on sentences.  It’s not just that.  Most bloggers now are also photographers.  Even though I have experience with Photoshop and taking pictures on an university level, it’s not really my talent.  I feel more comfortable behind the video camera.

Notice I said behind the video camera.  In college, I used to joke that I am learning electronic media so I will never have to be in front of the camera.  I have never thought I was pretty enough for that kind of work.  Growing up, I was never the pretty one.  Like ever.  I was the smart one, the friendly one, the inclusive one, the stubborn one, the tender-hearted one.  But I was never pretty, and I was okay with that.

But pretty is something that is expected in front of the camera.  Even in the Shaytard videos, people would comment on how beautiful the wife was.  I know we all have our flaws, but this felt like a game I so wanted to join, but never could.  I didn’t like the way I looked in photographs, so why would I think video would be any better?

Surprisingly, it’s been these last few weeks, as I’m editing one video after another, that I actually at times think I look okay.  My nose isn’t as big as I think it is, and my eyes are much more striking and much less sunken than I remember.  In fact, I have begun to accept myself for who I am, flaws and all because in photographs, you can pick apart this one moment in time because it is still.  In video, the picture is always changing.

Every day that I put on camera is a special day to me.  I always thought my life would be too boring, too repetitive to film every day, but it’s not.  It’s actually really telling of who I am in this moment in life.  I learn things about myself and my relationship with my husband.  I have all these memories burned into a 1280 by 720 moving canvas that is just absolutely beautiful.

It really is a journey, and I can’t wait to see where it will take me next.


2 thoughts on “Another Getting Real Post”

  1. We really are our toughest critics, aren’t we?? 🙂 I’m glad you pushed past those feelings of not being pretty enough, because your vlogs are awesome… AND you really are beautiful. I’m not just saying that. When I see you talking in your vlogs (or when I see pics of you), I really DO see someone who is beautiful.

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