Why you probably won’t see my kid’s face on Facebook (or online in general)

I’m writing this post because I don’t want to mislead you or cause any misunderstandings.  This is NOT a post written to pass judgment on families who make different choices than our family does, but instead this is about what we have decided will be best for us.  This comes from a place of love and I hope that it is received in the same way.

So, our big announcement, of sorts, is that we have decided not to share our pregnancy details, baby info or pictures online.  We made this decision earlier this year before we were even pregnant.  We made the decision for several reasons, but I will share three with you today.

The first reason is about privacy.  Now, I’m not naive when it comes to personal info on the internet.  If someone really wants some type of information on you, they can get it.  But that doesn’t mean that I must share that information anyway.

For a long time, I felt like I had to share everything in order to be relevant and connected, but this year I started to understand that this may not necessarily be the case.  Slowly over the course of this year, I’ve taken steps to encourage myself to share less, only and exactly the things what I wanted to share, with the public.  My friendships and relationships didn’t suffer like I thought they would.

And this realization started an open conversation within our little family about what we wanted to share going forward, especially when it came to our future additions.  What we decided allowed us to do more in person interactions, sharing with people when and how and what we wanted to share.  It gave us a freedom to be intentional in our conversations both online and offline, as well as embrace the little moments of our lives we don’t share publicly as our own private treasures.

The second reason was inspired by Kristen Bell.  Her and her husband decided not to show pictures of their newborn daughter to the public.  In a talk show interview, she said “minors deserve their anonymity until they choose otherwise.”  That’s when I recognized that perhaps this information may not be totally mine to share.  Of course, I will take lots of pictures and document every milestone (and probably everything in between too), and if they decide that they want to share all of that when they are older, I will be happy to do it then.

The third reason is a little more of a personal one.  In order to put all this content online, I have to spend more time being online.  Now, I’m not very good at multitasking my attention, that talent is just not in my wheelhouse, so I’m either engaged online or I’m engaged offline.

For me, spending more of my time offline helps me to slow down, live each day intentionally, and stay in the moment.  It’s not perfect by any means, but finding a good balance that works for us has had a definite positive effect on our family.  I know when this baby comes, I will want to be in every moment for as long as possible (plus have moments for my husband as well), and I know, for me, that will mean spending more time away from my computer and smart phone.  Without the pressure to share, it will be easier to do that.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I’m deleting my Facebook or I’m going to stop blogging.  It just means I might spend less time online.  My blog will probably continue being what it’s been these past couple of months – posting when I have something to share, probably averaging once a week.

I’m also not saying that this is the route everyone should take.  I would encourage you to find a good balance that works well for you and your family.  These conversations I’ve had with Michael over the past year have definitely helped us grow even closer and allowed us a better understanding of each other.  I’m sure we will have similar future conversations at different stages of life.  The important thing I’ve learned from all of this is to never give up doing what is best for your family and continue to strengthen each other, while letting God guide you every step of the way.

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2 thoughts on “Why you probably won’t see my kid’s face on Facebook (or online in general)

  1. Hmmm, you do bring up some very valuable points, my friend! I have thought long and hard as to whether or not I wanted to share photo’s of baby Brady once he was born. And I have decided to share them on Facebook (mainly due to so many out-of-state family and friends who I probably wouldn’t take the time to always keep as updated as I should)… but it will be in moderation. I’ve seen too many times when another adult will start to criticize the way you bring up your children… AND I’ve seen – first hand – (as if I didn’t already believe this) that venting about your kids on Facebook – or asking for parenting advice – is usually a really bad idea.
    As for my blog, I also plan to share stories and pics, as it has morphed a bit into a mommy blog (which I never thought it would. But these days, I have a hard time talking about anything else. Ha ha). But only a couple of people in my family actually read it… It’s – for the main part – read by people that I’ve never met.
    All that to say, I think you did a great job of sharing where you’re coming from without being judgmental! At the end of the day, we all have to do what we feel is right. AND who knows, I may even end up changing my mind after a bit.
    I completely agree that kids haven’t asked for their lives to be shared, so I do think it’s important to be careful with the information that is shared!!!
    Great post! I think that no matter what anyone’s view on the matter is, posts like this are extremely important for all of us, because the safety and privacy of our families should always come first!

    • I think everyone has the right to change their mind whenever they want to! It’s really about finding balance that works well for you and your family, and respecting the balance of others. Thank you so much for the thoughtful words!

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