In all honesty, this week has been a little rougher than the past couple of weeks. Michael worked later hours this week because it was his end of year stuff for his job. And I had a few little “miscarriage incidents” to deal with, which for the most part went okay. The good news is that I did finally find a morning and day routine that worked really well, despite all the emotional stuff going on.
So, what I mean by “miscarriage incidents” are those times that people say something and you start to cry. The first one actually was last Saturday when we stopped at the vet to pick up some food for one of our dogs. I was in the waiting room while Michael was paying, and this lady was there with her dog who was in a sweater. I complimented the sweater and the lady chuckled and said it was to hide her fat. We talked about food driven dogs (which both my dogs definitely are) and I told her how every Saturday morning, my husband makes pancakes and makes a special one for the dogs to share. They get so excited, like the minute they wake up. Then she asked if I had “real kids” which stopped me short. I remember the ladies on the miscarriage forum mentioning how these situations come up and how hard it is to answer this question. It really is hard. But I decided to give this woman a break and told her that we didn’t have any yet and hoped to have some in the future. Then she said, “Well, your husband is going to make a great dad.” Let’s just say, I’m glad I was still wearing my sunglasses.
On Sunday, there was a couple with a baby in our class at church. The baby started to fuss, and for some reason that morning, I couldn’t handle it. So, I just walked out of the room and straight to the bathroom, where a girl named Jennifer happened to be. She is a kindred spirit who understands this struggle, and she gave me a hug, listened to me and shared with me. It gave me hope and reminded me that God was there. I truly believe that He placed Jennifer in that bathroom.
Then, when I went to the dentist on Wednesday, on the way back to the room, the hygienist said that the last time my husband was there, he told her that we have something to celebrate. At first, I was confused and then I realized that he had that appointment before we knew we lost the baby. I started crying and she hugged me and apologized.
I know that people are just trying to connect. Sometimes it’s just hard. I think it was harder because Michael was working so much. Most nights he would be home after dinner, sometimes even after I was asleep. I didn’t sleep real well without him there. I did get to bring lunch to him today and see his new office. It wasn’t what I expected, but it was really nice. Still, I will be glad when he gets to spend more time at home throughout the week.
I saw a movie by myself today. The Alzheimer’s Association was hosting a viewing of Still Alice, starring Julianne Moore. The movie was really good. I liked how the camera and editing work portrayed what it was like for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. I could relate a lot to the family and everything they were going through. It was an excellent film. I did have friends who were going to come with me, but the film sold out before they could get tickets. I was nervous about going by myself, but I sat next to this really sweet couple. The wife had been diagnosed four years ago, but still seemed pretty coherent. She was so thankful for every day. It was wonderful to talk to her.
So, this week was a little more bumpy than usual. I’m still thankful for the God moments I experienced. It seems even on little sleep, little time with Michael, and stressors coming at me left and right, God is still in control and still making his presence known. I look forward to seeing what adventures unfold in this next week. Either way, I know God will be with me. Next week will be an evaluation to see if I will be doing this in February. I will be thinking more about that this week and let you know next week what I decide!