Losing Control of my Relationships

A lot of my desire for control comes from a motivation to please other people.  I spent years creating a life that I thought others would respect, only to feel more isolated from everyone.  The more isolated I felt, the greater my desire to control the world around me.

Photo from morguefile.com

Then the life I so carefully crafted together began to crack, and my unplanned imperfections shone through.  And through these imperfections, connections began to form.  I realized that my attempts at orchestrating my relationships by my own control never actually worked.  It was really God working through the gaps in my imperfections that created the symphony of loving, supportive people in my life.

That doesn’t mean I have it figured out.  It means I still deal with jealousy.  It means I can still be shallow, especially when I’m tired and struggling and don’t want to deal with the struggle.  It means I can’t laugh off my mistakes gracefully all the time.  It means that sometimes I feel like I’m standing in a wilderness, crying out to a God that doesn’t hear me.

But the truth is He does hear me.  Even when I’m losing control, God has got this.  Even when I’m crying and screaming and pounding my fists, God is wrapping his arms around me.  He’s crying with me.  He’s walking beside me, carrying me when I can’t walk on my own.

So if you are imperfect like I am, I’m so glad you are my friend.  I’m so glad we can struggle together.  I’m so glad that God puts words of encouragement on your lips at the exact time I need to hear them, and vice versa.  Thank you for being my imperfect friends.  I really do love you all, and I’m blessed to have you in my life.

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