Last night, Michael and I went to one of my favorite steak restaurants for my birthday weekend. The waitress was so friendly and cheerful. The food was delicious. It was a wonderfully perfect night.
Near the end of the dinner, I made a joke that the baby is starting to take up so much room that I can’t finish all of my food, despite how amazingly yummy it was. The waitress congratulated me and then asked me The Question.
“Is it your first?”
This isn’t the first time in this pregnancy that someone has asked me that question. I don’t really remember getting asked that question as much in my other two pregnancies. But maybe I’m more sensitive to this question now than before.
I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, especially strangers that I meet only briefly. But I also want to honor the memory of my daughter, whose ashes are held in an urn in our home. So, my go to answer is “sort of.”
Sometimes, I leave it at that. But last night, the waitress looked confused so I added, “We lost a daughter a couple years ago at 24 weeks.” Then, I saw the look. It’s a look of “oh no, I am going to make this woman cry.”
Let me say right now, it doesn’t upset me to talk about my daughter. I might tear up, but to be honest, right now, that might be more about my pregnancy hormones than anything else. I can talk about her and smile at the same time. She is a precious memory to me, and I love her.
The conversation flowed into the new pregnancy and the excitement there. She called my new child an angel, and congratulated me again. When we got to the car, Michael and I talked about the conversation, and he called it “going off script.” It throws people off when you don’t say what is expected. But I find that it’s important sometimes to go off script.
It’s important to share with other people your story. I have seen God use “going off script” moments to reveal himself to others. Sometimes, it’s in the form of a kindred spirit. Sometimes it opens a door that wasn’t there before. And sometimes I may never know the impact that conversation may have on the other person. But the important thing is that I tell the story. I honor my daughter and God. And I celebrate the life within me, as well as the life God has given me.
Have you ever had a “going off script” opportunity? Did you see God working through that situation?