There are a lot of misconceptions about the experience I had this week. I know this because of my conversations after I lost my first daughter. So I thought I would write out a little about these experiences. Nothing too graphic, I promise.
First of all, these are not miscarriages. These are called IUFDs or intrauterine fetal deaths. That means that for some reason, the baby died while still inside me. There was no indication that my body had anything to do with the death. I know a lot of you will ask, so the closest thing to an answer that they have found is that for some reason, the placenta just stops working. They don’t know why this keeps happening, though.
However, this is not the first time my OB has seen a case similar to mine. And she has a new plan if/when I get pregnant again. It will involve a lot more monitoring and a lot more tests, possibly more medication as well.
Second, I actually delivered both of my daughters. I was induced both times. I was given an epidural both times. This time, because this daughter was a bit bigger, I even did some pushing. I have two birth stories, just like any mom who has given birth, only the outcome is different.
Also, I would just like to spotlight the amazing staff and care we received both times at Baylor, the hospital we used for both deliveries. All the nurses not only cared about my physical well-being, but my mental, emotional, and even spiritual well-being too. We received all the same perks that any other parents receive during our stay. They referred to Michael as “Dad” which is such a small thing but meant so much to me. I just can’t say enough about the staff there.
And finally, both daughters have been cremated. We had no idea about this process the first time around, but we were prepared this time. Our first daughter is in an urn at our home, and as soon as we get the ashes of our second daughter, she will also be placed in an urn in our home. Both daughters have names, though I choose not to share them publicly on this platform. Both daughters have death certificates, like real, filed with the court, certificates.
This is why when people ask if I have children or if this was my first pregnancy that my answer was always, “sort of”, or I just flat out tell them that we lost a daughter two years ago. It’s interesting that sometimes the response from the other person is just to gloss over that answer. It’s not uncomfortable to me to talk about my daughters. It’s more uncomfortable to me to deny their existence on this earth.
Like I’ve said before and probably will say over and over again, thank you. Thank you for the comments, the cards, the offers to do anything or bring anything to us. Thank you for the prayers. I know that many of you have been praying this entire pregnancy, but thank you especially for the prayers this past week. We have a lot of hard steps still left to take, but Michael and I are taking them together. And I know God is walking beside us every moment of this difficult path.