Waiting sucks. According to the New York Times in 2012, Americans wait 37 billion hours in line each year. In a world that values the quick and immediate, waiting just seems to be something abnormal.
I never thought I would have to wait for children.
There were so many things to grieve when I lost my daughters. One of those things was the fact that I had to wait. After my first miscarriage, I had to wait three months before trying again. Then I had to wait to get pregnant. After my first daughter’s stillbirth, I had to wait six months, and then again to get pregnant. And after my second daughter’s stillbirth, it was another six months, and again even longer to get pregnant.
All the while, others were getting pregnant and having healthy babies. I watched as the kids who were born around the same time as my daughters grow up. And I was still in the waiting place.
I started asking myself if it was too late. Should I have started trying to have kids sooner? Should I be looking at other options? Was there anything I could do to speed up this process of waiting?
But now I realize that God’s timing was perfect. It’s always perfect. And he’s never late. Everything that has happened to me has given me an insight and an understanding that I didn’t have before. In the waiting place, I wasn’t in stasis. I wasn’t frozen. I was learning and growing into the person I am today. Into the mom I am today.
Asking the what-ifs feels moot to me. Pointless. Because I am here now. And one of the biggest lessons I learned in the waiting place was to look and listen to what God was calling me to do while I wait. To express my faith and trust in Him, even in the darkest moments. To reach out to others and encourage them.
Maybe your life isn’t where you thought it would be right now. Maybe you are in a season of waiting. But you are not too late. You are not behind. You don’t have to catch up. You are right where you are supposed to be. Just take the next step, the next breath, and listen to where God may be leading you. Believe me, it will be worth the wait.