This is just a quick update. Week 26 has been okay for me, but I suspect next week and the following will be much harder as it was the time in my last pregnancy that my daughter passed away. I am very thankful to the supportive staff at both my high risk OB and OB clinics.
Talked about last week’s ultrasound and an anxiety moment last Saturday. I’m hoping that this weekend will be better, and I will be able to venture out a bit more.
In the past, I’ve shared some songs that have helped me during some of the low points after my pregnancy losses. So, today, I want to share some songs and other tidbits that have helped me this month with all of the anxiety that has come with this pregnancy, especially in these particular weeks.
Of course, some of these are repeats, but I think they are worth repeating.
First, of course, is the music that has carried me through some days.
I have to hear this song at least a few times a week, especially when I’m driving. Especially the part “I’m not strong enough, I can’t take any more (You can lay it down, you can lay it down)” and “Can He keep me from going in under?” Just very poignant to my life right now.
I haven’t yet been able to get through this song without tearing up. It’s a hard song to sing when I obviously struggle with the real fear of the outcome of this pregnancy. But it is something I know I need to cling to, because whatever happens, God is still faithful and good to me.
I actually prefer the live worship version of this song on YouTube, but I thought a lyric video would be more appropriate for the blog. This is my mantra during this whole pregnancy. It’s not just that God will be there during the outcome, but that he is with me right now, in the midst of my anxiety.
I’ve also been delving into God’s word a lot, and there were a few passages that spoke to me this month.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
I’ve talked about the seemingly conflicting natures of anxiety and faith before, but in this verse, the psalmist acknowledges his anxiety and still yearns for a complete relationship with God. I can relate.
What is important is faith expressing itself in love.
I’ve been studying and trying to memorize the book of Galatians this year. Paul is talking to the Galatian churches about not trying the be right with God through human effort, but by faith in Christ. There were false teachers convincing the church to jump through all these Jewish hoops, in particular, circumcision. And the church was getting distracted by all the regulations they were trying to follow perfectly that they forgot what was most important, which is love. It’s a good reminder and one of the biggest things that stood out to me so far in this study.
The last verse is kind of a joke between Michael and me. Talk about cherry picking my verses to fit my present life! But it has made me feel closer to Elizabeth, one of the reasons I am obsessed with the lives of the women of infertility in the Bible. I feel not so alone in my present situation. But it is kind of funny so I will leave you with this:
Soon afterward his wife, Elizabeth, became pregnant and went into seclusion for five months.
See? Totally biblical to be secluded during one’s pregnancy, right?
Have there been any uplifting verses, quotes, songs or other tidbits in your life this month?
Sorry, the energy is so low in this video, but I talk about anxiety, agoraphobia and the flu season.
I learned a lesson last Saturday at 2am that I’ve been working on throughout this week.
As a side note, I take this topic very seriously. Mental health is important in all stages of life, and I’m seeing a counselor and being monitored by an OB who is aware of my anxiety. Finding balance is just one of the ways I take care of myself. It’s also important to live a healthy lifestyle, and, if necessary, take medications that are prescribed by a doctor who is monitoring you. I am a huge believer that mental health is just as important as physical health, and if you find yourself struggling with this, please talk to someone, especially a professional counselor or doctor.
No more interim weeks for me! From this point on, as far as we know, I will have weekly checkups with the MFM. Also, check out the video…there is an adorable ultrasound photo!