Tag Archives: authenticity

Authenticity

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This is probably going to be a true ramble because these thoughts haven’t completely solidified in my head, but there is an edge to them that I can’t get rid of.

So why not just share it with you anyway.

Authenticity

I’ve talked about authenticity and living honestly on this blog.  I don’t think I’m changing my mind about what I’ve said before, but I’ve seen a danger in using this terminology without balance.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

I caught myself the other day talking about “living my truth.”  And for some reason, when the words came out of my mouth that time (because they have come out of my mouth before), they felt wrong, disturbing, like something was off.

And I realized that there is a danger in pursuing an authentic life.  The danger is that I can be focused so much on living my truth that I forget I’m supposed to be living THE truth, that is in Jesus Christ.  I can center my life so much inward that I never look upward and lose all my energy to live outward.

 

But no matter how inward I will go, I will never understand myself or know myself the way God knows me.  He knew me ever since I was knitted together in my mother’s womb.  He knows what will make me smile, what will make me belly laugh, what will make me cry, and what makes me scared.  He wraps his arms around me the second before the heartbreak.  And he doesn’t let go until the panic washes through me.

And God is proud of his creation.  He roots for us.  He’s the father in the stands demanding the coach put his kid in because he believes in us.  We can do it, not because of some secret we have figured out on our own, but because His strength is pulsing through our spirit.  We got this, even if we have no control over whatever this is, because ultimately, He’s got this.

I can’t continually try to get to know myself, to perfect myself, before going out in the world.  It doesn’t work that way.  I thought I had to live perfectly, to know perfectly, to speak perfectly, to engage perfectly before going out and making a difference in the name of Jesus.  I thought it would make it easier.  But I’ve learned that life is way more complicated and messy, and self-perfection isn’t sustainable, engageable, or even effective.  It’s going to take a mess of a person to reach into the nooks and crannies of the world to reflect a light of Jesus in the darkest corners.

And every time I obsessively try to find out who I am, my truth, my way, my light, I forget that there is only One Truth, One Way, and One Light that is Jesus.  I can’t forget that.  He knows the way through this life.  He said it was gonna be hard.  He said we would suffer.  But the only way I will feel complete and whole is through Him.

Again, there is nothing wrong with living an authentic life, a good life, a life lived in truth and honesty and transparency.  I’m all for that.  And I even think that Jesus wants us to live authentically, honestly, truthfully, transparently.  But I also think He calls us to live holy and righteous lives, led by the Spirit (not our own), with our feet firmly planted in His Truth.

What do you think?

The Recipe for an Authentic Relationship

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We live in a society where there is this odd pressure to perform, to be “on” all the time.  It’s hard with social media using edited snapshots of our lives as the effort to connect to other people.  It makes it easy to hold people at a distance, and for them to hold you at a distance as well.  It feels like the more “connected” I am, the more lonely I get.

So, I want to share the four steps I tend to use when pursuing an authentic relationship.  And you don’t have to use them, but if you are feeling frustrated in this culture in finding close relationships, perhaps this will help.

1. Be the kind of Authentic Friend that you want to have.  Typically, if you live life surrounded by passions that truly move you, you will find like-minded people in that same field.  But it’s not just about interests.  It’s also about the level or depth of authenticity I want to have.  If I want to be around non-judgmental, “here’s all the dirt” kind of friends, then I have to be that kind of person.  If I want to be accepted where I am in the journey, then I need to accept others where they are on their journey.  And make sure you are the same person wherever you go.  You never know where those interactions may lead or who is listening, because you might be missing out on those friendships you desperately want.

2. Be intentional about the relationship.  When you get to know a person long enough, and realize that you want to have that open, authentic friendship with them, tell them.  Have those awkward conversations.  In the past, I’ve ideally thought that just spending a lot of time with people, or telling them a deep secret, will communicate the intentions of a deeper friendship.  But I find that a deeper friendship truly develops when I lay all the cards on the table and say, “Look, I really like hanging out with you, and I want to have the kind of friendship with you where we share all the skeletons, secrets and struggles, and we react with encouragement, support, and acceptance.”

It doesn’t always have to be that deep though.  It could be as simple as, “I’m wondering if we could hang out at lunch every Monday and just spend time together, get to know each other more.”  I find that laying out the expectations helps the friendship more than vague games of will they, won’t they be a real friend.

3. Accept rejection for what it is.  It is hard to put everything out there only to be shut down in the end.  However, that rejection is so much more honest than dancing around the relationship until someone stops returning the other one’s calls.  Sometimes the rejection may just be bad timing.  One person may just have a lot on their plate, or is going through a transition, or just simply needs to work on internal issues before accepting that request.  Authentic relationships are vulnerable and require work from both people involved.  It’s hard to really open up when you feel swallowed by life in general.

And it’s just as important to be honest in rejecting others, too.  I’m sometimes afraid to say no because I don’t want to hurt the other person or be left out of something in the future.  However, it’s important to communicate where you stand as it is to know where they stand as well.

4. And of course, bring God into the relationship. I would put this at number one, but really, it fits into all three of the above steps.  We learn to be authentic from our God who is the author of authenticity.  We are intentional because he showed us intentionality in his pursuit of us.  He handles rejection pretty much on a daily basis, and can be there for us when we go through our own rejection.

Friendships are messy, whether on the playground, at our jobs, or in our communities.  But authentic relationships are another way God is glorified in how he works through brokenness to restore us.  And those relationships can help us continue the journey together, living life in the Kingdom.