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Grief, Loss and Thanksgiving: Part One

Part 1: Grief – Monday, November 24, 2014

It started a week or so ago.  I hadn’t felt the baby move, but I explained it away, chalked it up to the fear and anxiety I carried over from my miscarriage last year.  I had an appointment today, so I made note to talk to the doctors about the anxiety.

However, the appointment was not as run of the mill as I hoped.  First, there was no heartbeat detected.  Then, I had a sonogram done, and there was no growth after 22 weeks, no heartbeat, nothing.  I had lost another baby.  I was wrapped in the compassionate arms of two of the doctors and a nurse almost immediately.  I called my husband who wasn’t there because this was really suppose to be a check up, but he left work immediately to meet me at the clinic.

I was moved to a room with table and chairs, somewhere less clinical, to wait for Michael.  I started making calls to family and work to let them know what was going on.  I wavered between sobbing breakdowns and staring at nothing in shock.  When my husband arrived, the doctor rejoined us to talk about what happens next.  I would have to go to a hospital to deliver, something I didn’t think I would be doing until spring.

We went home and I just sat outside for a while.  Michael made lunch, and we talked about our plans for the week, making one decision and then wait a couple hours to make the next decision, because it was all so much to take in.  We decided we would go to the hospital on Wednesday (our doctor would be on call that day).  We wouldn’t be traveling for Thanksgiving, so we would have to figure out something for food that day. I continued making a few more calls and then let the grapevine take over, receiving texts the rest of the day as people found out.  My friend Lori came by that evening for some talk about everything and anything, but what was about to happen.  It was a nice visit.  Finally, my mom and I made plans for her to fly in Tuesday night to help us during the procedure and recovery.  It will be good to have her here.