Tag Archives: Mothers

Mother’s Day 2019

Since I won’t be around this year on the blog for Mother’s Day, I wanted to share a few thoughts.

This will be my second Mother’s day with my son. Though, to be fair, last year was a blur because I was still hopped up on pain pills recovering from delivery. This past year has been a wonderful whirlwind, but I can’t help thinking how past years have been for me. Years of waiting and wondering. Years of loss and grief. Years watching others experience the kind of motherhood I desperately wanted.

Before my son was born, I felt like an outsider. And after he was born, honestly, life felt normal again. On the outside, I look like a typical suburban stay at home mom going to the grocery or the library with my adorable son in tow. The pain and grief is still there, but life is much easier to navigate day to day. And sometimes I feel guilty that it got easier. And sometimes it’s hard to enjoy because I keep waiting for the next crisis, the other shoe to drop.

So, this year, I’m giving myself permission to completely enjoy Mother’s Day. To embrace the gratitude and to celebrate the other moms and maternal figures around me. And giving permission is sometimes just what we need.

So, you have permission to love or hate Mother’s day. You have permission to cocoon yourself in on that day or seek community if you want. You have permission to remember babies you have lost or babies you long to have. You have permission to celebrate the children in your life whose lives you have nurtured and loved. You have permission to hide from the kids to read a book or spend the entire day playing with them. You have permission to celebrate the joy of the last year or just the fact that you survived. You have permission to not have kids or desire kids at all and see this day as a day to celebrate other women in your life. You even have permission to celebrate this day with your pets, because fur-babies need love and nurturing, too.

Any way you celebrate the second Sunday in May is appropriate. Even if it is just the second Sunday in May and nothing else. But no matter how you celebrate or don’t, just know you are worthy and valuable for who you are right now, and that truth doesn’t change, no matter what.

Finally, I want to share a few other Mother’s Day reminder posts that I have written over the years. The links are below.

A Quick Word of Advice This Weekend

An Addendum to advice for next weekend

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day

With Mother’s Day coming up, I’ve spent a lot of time in reflection this past couple of weeks.  Recently, I was asked if it bothers me that all the women of the Bible who suffered with infertility ended up having babies.  The short answer is no.  Just the fact that these stories were included in such a male-centric period of our history speaks volumes to how much God cares for women, as well as women who are struggling with such a heart breaking situation.

As I looked closer at these stories, I realized that these women didn’t have it easy.  It wasn’t a happy ending when they finally held the baby in their arms.  Sarah was an older mom who had a pretty epic Mommy War with Hagar that ended in Hagar being sent away permanently.  Rachel died giving birth to Benjamin, never being able to see him or Joseph grow up.  Hannah gave thanks to God when she had Samuel, but also only had an annual visitation time to spend with him throughout his childhood.  Elizabeth had John the Baptist, but she had people telling her before he was even born what she should name him (I can only assume they shared more unwarranted advice with her in those years that followed).

We are these women.  We are the women engaged in Mommy Wars, stemming from our own insecurity (although let’s face it, these wars start long before we are called mommies).  We are the women who never completely get what we hope for.  We are the women who never feel like we get to spend enough time with our children.  We are the women who undergo a constant barrage of unnecessary advice from others.

I think it’s easy to look at other women’s lives and think that they got everything they wished for, that they have it figured out, that they are getting more blessings (whether we think they are deserved or not).  The truth is we are all struggling.  Whether we were able to have children when we planned it, or it was unplanned, or we are still waiting for it to happen, or we choose not to have them at all, we all face moments of frustration, moments of our hearts being ripped from our chest, moments when we are so exhausted that we are delirious.

I don’t want to take away from the celebration of Mother’s day, because I believe that mothers should be honored for everything they do.  But I would like to change it to “Women giving Women a Break” day.  What I mean by that is that on this day, we just honor the women around us.  For one day, we refrain from giving each other advice, and instead just remind each other that we are loved.  We just tell each other that we are beautiful, talented, loving individuals, covered by the grace of Jesus, and that it’s all going to be okay.

Let’s lift each other up in encouragement, instead of passing judgment for the choices others have made.  Because God’s light shines through us, let that light shine so bright that the women around us see nothing but the love of God.  Just one day, put aside our differences and just honor the fact that we are going through this life one step, one moment, one breath at a time.  For we are each other’s reminders that we are the daughters of the Most High King, and that alone gives us worth far more valuable than anything else on this earth.