Tag Archives: overwhelming

Anxiety Update

I wanted to write an update on my anxiety, but I’ve kind of been in the thick of an anxiety storm. And when I’m in a storm like this, it’s harder to really articulate what I’m trying to say. Every time I try to put pen to paper (or in my case fingers to keyboard), I’m constantly deleting what I’m writing because it sounds like gobbledygook.

Overstimulated has been a well used word in my vocabulary lately. Usually, it is used to describe my son when he is really in need of a nap or is experiencing big feelings. It’s been interesting how helping him to navigate his feelings can help me navigate my own.

Which brings me to what I learned about my anxiety. I realized that my anxiety ramps up after a string of days of being overstimulated. Mix that with major changes in my schedule and it becomes a perfect storm for an anxiety episode.

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Autumn has always been a busy season in the year with a completely full schedule. All fun and exciting things, but a lot of changes to my schedule – travel, events, new experiences. Knowing what I now know about my abilities and limitations, I want to be able to incorporate times of rest and reflection between the craziness of the weeks and months ahead. I also realize that sometimes it might not be possible to balance everything perfectly.

In those moments when things are out of balance, it’s so important to give myself enough grace to learn from the experience and adjust. Of course, this is all easy to say and not always easy to do in the moment. I just need to keep reminding myself that I’m growing and learning about this season in my life. It’s okay to make mistakes.

But I’m not a mistake. Even though my limitations and my anxiety are a part of who I am, they are not the whole package. I am a daughter of the living God who created me as a part of His plan. I have purpose in that fact. Even in the darkest parts of my journey, God is the light guiding my way. So I’m making Isaiah 43 1 (the second half of the verse) my mantra this season to hopefully remember that I’m not alone in my anxiety, and that God will see me through all of it, one step at a time.

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Isaiah 43:1

Legacy

I’ve been getting a lot of wonderful feedback from my posts.  To say that it’s overwhelming, well, it would be an understatement.  I don’t know how to take all these compliments gracefully in the moment.  I never really know what to say.

It’s not the fact that I’m at a loss for words, but more so that I have too many words to say in that moment.  So, I thought I would take a minute to say those words (and perhaps take the easy way out the next time someone says something to me, and just refer them to this post).

The entire reason that I am able to say the things that I say, to react to my circumstances as gracefully as I can, to show the perspective of life that I have, is because of the legacy that has been given to me by God through the men and women in my life.

It starts, of course, with my parents.  I remember all throughout my childhood, around bedtime, I would see my dad pouring over his Bible with the black leather cover.  I remember the conversations I would have with my mom about life, and how God always seemed to be in the center of each of those conversations.  My dad taught me to stand up for what I believe in, and to build those beliefs on a foundation of knowledge and understanding in God.  My mom taught me to always look for the God connection in my relationships with other people, and know that I’m representing Christ in my words and actions.  My parents gave up their free time to support the church and do mission work in India, Panama, and for several years in Jamaica.  They taught me the importance of spreading the gospel.

There’s my extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and great grandparents who have God as the center of their lives.  Their example has inspired me to always keep God in the forefront of my life and to believe in the power of prayer.

Then, there was the first church family that I can remember – Hickory Knoll Church of Christ.  I still to this day consider those people as part of my family.  I learned from them about love and acceptance, trust and obedience.  I fell in love with hymns in that church.  I learned about the Bible, memorizing the books and verses.  When I went back for a visit on our first anniversary, it felt like I had never left.  I am so proud of that church and everything it signifies in its community.  They truly taught me what it means to be part of a church family.

Of course, there were other churches that helped me along my spiritual path – Macland Road, Burnt Hickory, Downtown, Highway.  Of course, when Michael and I moved here and we became a part of Greenville Oaks.  That’s when I received a lot more clarity on my life as it relates to the Kingdom.  I learned that I was placing my value and security in things that are temporary, and started on a path to begin placing my value and security in the permanence of God.  It affects every part of my life – how I am as a wife, daughter, friend, woman, blogger, and Christian.

So, when you read the words on my blog, know that they are mere echoes of the legacy of people throughout my life that have brought me to this point.  It doesn’t feel right to take the credit for what all these others have done for me.  So, I just want to say thank you.  Without your love, acceptance and guidance, I would not be where I am.  I know that God has worked through each one of you to help me along this journey.  I praise and thank God every time I think of you.  You are all such incredible blessings to me.