I wrote this post last year on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everything I wrote still resonates. I hope these words uplift you today.Continue reading
All around the country today, there will be candles lit for babies lost. I became a part of this community in 2013. It’s a community of compassion and welcome, though no member wishes anyone had to join it.
Recently, I was sitting in the OB waiting room, waiting for an annual check up appointment. I saw across the room another woman and her mother, both intently staring into their phones. And I noticed the tears quietly streaming down both their faces. I knew this look all to well.
The woman was approached by another woman in the room, which convicted me to join this small group. It turned out that the woman who was crying was having a 9 week miscarriage. The other woman who approached had also experienced pregnancy loss. Encouragement was shared, and then space and privacy given to the grieving family after her husband arrived.
It was a powerful moment in what can feel like an isolating journey. 1 in 4 women experience pregnancy loss. I guarantee that someone you know has gone through it, even if they have never talked about it. But our society doesn’t reflect these facts.
But October 15th gives us an opportunity to remember. Remember the children we have lost. Remember those precious moments of hope and expectation. The positive pregnancy tests, the heartbeats, the in-womb dance parties. My daughters are as much a part of my story as my living son is. What is the saying? “As long as I have breath, my baby you shall be.”
If you want to take part in today, remember the babies who are no longer with us, light a candle tonight at 7 pm, in all time zones. And if you are grieving your own loss, know that you aren’t alone in your remembering. There is a community here surrounding you in love, thought, and prayer.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” – John 9:1-5
When bad things happen, a very common question is “why”. Whether it’s in search of a scientific answer or a spiritual one, we want an answer. An answer that can hopefully avoid any further suffering or horrible outcome. And something that can make us feel better in the meantime.
In Jesus’s time, a lot of people thought suffering was a direct consequence of sin. In John 9, his disciples reveal this line of thinking when they approached a man who had been born blind. Who sinned? His parents or would it be something the man did in his lifetime?
But Jesus flips that script. Instead, he responds, this happened that the “works of God might be displayed in him.” And then he heals the man. It turns out the wrong question was being asked.
Instead of why it should be “what must I do?” Not what must I do so I don’t suffer, but what must I do in the midst of suffering. Just like when a job is handed to you or a new life stage, any major event good or bad, I believe as a Christian that it is my responsibility to respond with “What would you have me do with this?” It’s when I ask that question and seek out the answer with open eyes and heart that I get to see God work through the suffering to reach others.
That man woke up that day not knowing the miracle that he would get to experience. We don’t know what is in store for us in this life. But good or bad, I know that God can give purpose to it all.
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” – Job 42:3
Job had lost everything. His money, children, reputation, even his marriage was rocky. And his friends that came to encourage him ended up heaping more coals on the fire by blaming him for all of his misfortune. Job continuously cries out to God, but only hears the accusations of his friends.
Until the end of the book. God shows up and speaks to Job. He reminds Job just who He is and what he has done and can do. Job realizes that he can’t see the bigger picture, but God can. And God is working continuously for good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). All He asks is that we trust.
It’s comforting to know that the Creator of the universe loves me and wants the best for me. That He is at the helm, in the ultimate control, and He can see the horizons much better than I can. He is painting with each stroke, knowing that it will end up His greatest masterpiece.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8
It was the end of Moses’s life and the end of his time as the leader of Israel. After he gave a little pep talk to the people, he called Joshua, his successor, in for a private meeting where he uttered the above words. Joshua was going to lead the people of Israel into the promised land, fight battles, lose battles, see the people fall away and turn back to God. And through it all, Moses says, God will never leave him.
God is always with us. I think it is a good practice to look for God no matter what my life circumstances may be. It’s easier after a win to believe God is with you, but I think it’s just as important to see him during the losses as well.
After my first daughter passed away, I prayed that God would make his presence obvious to me. And he did. In the many messages that I received from friends and family, from the nurses and doctors who showed me complete compassion to simple things like a sunrise. To know that the almighty, powerful God would stoop down to comfort me was a miraculous blessing. I knew that no matter what happened, I could curl up in the arms of my Heavenly Father and cry out to him.
Through both the good times and the bad, God is there. And in that, I take great comfort.
This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and this Monday, October 15th, it will be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In 2016 and 2017, Michael and I have spent this day with the pregnancy loss community in a balloon release.
This year, we won’t be participating publicly, but we are going to light our candle on the day. At 7pm CST, we plan to light a candle for each of our daughters to remember them. This is the time set aside for all loss families to light a candle and remember together, no matter where they are. I would encourage you to light a candle and remember with them. It means so much to have my daughters remembered. And I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
If you are a loss mom or dad, you are loved and your children are loved. You are not alone, and we grieve with you.
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! – Luke 1: 45
This verse is my lock screen on my phone. It has been my lock screen for over a year, between my last pregnancy and the one before.
Mary had come to visit Elizabeth after an angel told her that she would be pregnant with Jesus, and also that Elizabeth was pregnant too. Elizabeth had been in seclusion after finding out her own pregnancy and when Mary showed up, Elizabeth’s baby (John the Baptist) leaped in her womb.
Of course, I was drawn to this verse because it involves two pregnant women, something I longed for myself. But this verse stuck with me because even in my loss, my wonderings if I would ever carry a healthy baby to full term or raise children in my home, it was imperative for my soul and my anxiety to remember that God was fulfilling promises to me every day.
Promises that he will not leave me in my times of distress. Promises that there is a bigger picture than what I see in front of me. Promises that He will give me purpose in my pain.
This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. In the next few weeks, I will be sharing some thoughts on these promises and verses that have helped me in the storm.
This weekend, Michael and I attended our second Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Balloon Release. Last year, it was connected with a walk, but this year they just did the balloon release, which was still pretty special.
It was extremely windy, so I had Michael in charge of the balloons. We had two pink balloons for each of our daughters. They had pink, blue, and yellow available. Yellow balloons were generally for the babies who passed before the gender was known.
Of course, as they were flying away, I was just overwhelmed. So many little, loved ones were being celebrated in that park. It means so much to me to know that I have a community of families who have been there. I’m also thankful for my own community, all of you, who have been through this journey with us.