I’m dreading this post, but I know it needs to be done. I know it’s probably obvious to some people, but it really didn’t dawn on me that I would come to this conclusion.
I’m going on another hiatus. This time it’s going to be indefinite.
I know that sounds ultra-melodramatic. But I didn’t just want to disappear without saying something. You all have been an incredible community, so you deserve more than just being ghosted.
I tried to fight it, but all I was doing was putting unnecessary pressure on myself. The last straw is this writer’s block I’ve been facing. Usually, if I just push through it, I’m fine. But this time is different. And I think it is a sign that God is calling me into a new season.
A season of rest.
Recently, I caught my son’s cold, and it just about did me in. It reminds me of that cold medicine commercial, where the guy sticks his head into the office of his boss and says he needs a sick day. But the boss turns out to be his toddler jumping on the bed with this blank expression on his face. I lived that commercial this week.
But it’s been more than that. I’ve been running myself ragged lately for reasons completely unknown to me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This fatigue has manifested as a reading slump, writer’s block, staring at walls and counting it as “down time”. Every cell in my body is clamoring for rest, and I think I’m finally listening.
A season of listening.
Though sleep is awesome and very much needed to further my health and good attitude in general, I also feel like I’m entering a season of listening to God. I’ve been talking a lot – on this blog, in therapy, to any living being around me and sometimes even inanimate objects to be honest.
The reading slump, the writer’s block, even the slightly sore throat I’ve had this week (though to be fair, I have had that cold), everything is pointing to listening more than talking. And God has been revealing some things to me in the few moments I’ve created space to really listen. He’s been encouraging me and convicting me. And it only makes me want to free up more space for Him.
A season of preparation.
Someone I knew once said, “You are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed into a crisis.” I don’t know if I subscribe to this line of thinking completely. I would probably use the word change instead of crisis. Because change can be good or bad, and I would like to think everything headed towards us isn’t all bad.
That being said, I feel like a change is on the horizon. I feel it in my bones. It feels like God is trying to get my attention before the change arrives. And I don’t know what it will be or when it will come. Maybe it’s returning to this blog with new direction, energy, and fervor. Maybe it’s finishing that book I started writing at the beginning of the year (which has also entered into a slump of sorts). Maybe it’s some opportunity in my community, my family, my friends, my career, my life in general.
Side note, I have no intention of shutting down this blog in the interim. I may have one more post come out that will help navigate the site while I’m gone for those who want to read my story. But it will probably be after the holidays.
Whatever is coming, or not coming, I know that I need to rest in stillness, listen to God, and embrace this time of preparation. I am really going to miss all of you. I will probably still be lurking on social media, primarily on my Instagram @katyslifestory. So, hopefully, I will see you there! Thank you, everyone, for your love and support over the years! I cherish it more than you will ever know!