Anticipating May

The last month of the Spring season is here, and so many other things I’ve been waiting for.  But first, a look back at April.

The pregnancy has been moving right along this month, thankfully without any more trips to the hospital!  The baby has grown to over 6 pounds, and everything seems to be going well.  My anxiety definitely has heightened, despite the pretty easy month.  But I continue taking it one day at a time.

I did get some reading done this month.  I managed to complete 4 books, which is the most I’ve been able to do all year.  The book binge is still going strong after the slump of March.  It’s been a nice and needed distraction from the anxiety of the pregnancy.  I’ve also been perusing a few pregnancy/baby books in preparation for the impending arrival of the boy.

And I did manage to complete a lot of organizing projects for the baby and the nursery this month, despite my heightened anxiety.  The nursery seems as ready as it’s going to be.  And the registry should be up after the baby arrives for whatever sip and see will be scheduled after his arrival.

Now, onto the month of May!

anticipation

  • The arrival of my son.  We are nearing the actual due date of our boy, which is Mother’s Day, however, I’m pretty sure he’s going to come before then.  My nerves are very raw and there are still some impending concerns and issues that could arise (as with all pregnancies and deliveries).  I’m anticipating (and praying for) a smooth labor and a healthy arrival of this sweet guy.
  • Some time off.  I will be talking about this more in an upcoming video, but the plan is to take a small hiatus this month after the arrival of our son from blogging and social media.  With family coming in and the transitions and chaos of a newborn, I just know taking a break will be beneficial for me.
  • New Rhythms.  I know that no matter how everything will go this month, there will be some definite changes in our life.  And that will probably be the most consistent thing in our life – change.  If I’ve learned anything from my friends, doctors, and family it’s that I should expect to feel lost and hopeless and overwhelmed for quite a while.  But that it all will be worth it.  

I’m still not out of the woods yet.  And I’m, again, cautiously anticipating the arrival of this little boy and this new facet of motherhood.  But I just have to remind myself that I’m not alone in this journey.  Not only do I have amazing doctors, supportive family, and an incredible husband, but I have an all-knowing, all-powerful God by my side every step of the way.

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Anticipating April

This has been quite a month, so let’s just jump into it.  First, a look back at March.

I’ve definitely learned a lot this month in my pregnancy.  I’ve learned more about vasa previa, funic presentation, fetal monitoring, and decelerations.  I even had a small trip to the hospital this past month, giving me a good peek into the process for my inevitable delivery.  I’m so thankful for the patient medical staff that has answered every one of my questions.

We did get the house projects accomplished that we planned.  I’m so grateful for this.  First, Michael got his shed built for his hobby.  And then, we finally replaced the floor downstairs and the carpets upstairs.  I’m sure we will have other projects yet to complete, but these were the ones we wanted to make sure were done before the baby was born.

And of course, we have enjoyed some amazing sunshine and warm weather this month as well.  Something I really appreciated especially after being confined to a hospital bed for 48 hours.  One of the first things I did when I got home was just stand in the sunshine.  (By the way, my herb kit is growing quite nicely, but I want to wait for a few more weeks for the sprouts to really grow.)

 

Now, onto the month of April!

anticipation

  • Nearing the end of my pregnancy.  Technically, my due date is in May (Mother’s Day to be exact) but if last month taught me anything, it was that this baby could come at any point in the coming weeks.  I’m hoping that I will get a strong end date soon from the doctors, who have been hesitant because they are balancing trying to keep the baby in as long as possible (which is really best for development) with knowing when the baby is saying he’s ready to come out.
  • Getting some good reading time.  Last month was a slow reading month for me.  Some of it had to do with the chaos, but some of it had to do with picking up this one book that so dry, it put me directly into a reading slump.  I’m getting back into the joy of reading, having put that book down for the moment, but I’m hoping that I will finish some books that I started before the baby comes.
  • Organizing Projects.  I still have a few places in the house that need to be put back together after the flooring project was complete.  And we have a few things that we absolutely must purchase before the baby is born.  And I need to get a registry together for those people who have asked about a baby shower because eventually after the baby is born, we do plan on having a “sip and see” at some point (as I mentioned in my week 18 pregnancy update).  I have a lot of people who have asked me about that, so I just wanted to mention that here as well.

I’ve been hesitant, honestly, to do a registry since that was something we did before we lost both of our girls, and even though everything is going really well with this pregnancy, it’s hard to go there just yet.  That being said, that hospital visit definitely lit a fire under me in a lot of ways.  I thought I was nesting before

I can’t believe it’s already April.  I also can’t believe I’m still pregnant, and I am so grateful that I have such an active baby to tell me that everything is still going well in there.  This has been an absolute ride, and I won’t lie.  I’m nervous.  And slightly stressed.  And cautiously excited.

Anticipating March

Returning to my theme word of the year, anticipation, I thought I would take a look back over the month of February and look ahead into the month of March.

In February, I definitely continue to deal with an elevated sense of anxiety, although I have to say that routine and support have been helpful with this particular issue.  I am so grateful for the overwhelming love and care I received from my community, both here in Dallas and online.  I cannot thank you enough for the understanding and judgment-free zone you have provided over the course of this last month.

I did enjoy some good entertainment this month.  The Black Panther movie did not disappoint.  And while I did manage to knock a few more books off of my TBR list, I also added more, and have more coming in this month as well.  I realize that my reading will probably take a nose dive after the baby is born so I will try to soak up as much as I can this month.

And, yes, we did manage to squeeze in some celebration time for our relationship anniversaries this year.  I didn’t write much about this experience, but we definitely managed to keep our tradition of getting blizzards at Dairy Queen!  It was nice to look back on our road together with some happy nostalgia.

Now, onto the month of March!

anticipation

  • Moving along in my pregnancy.  This month is completely unknown territory to me.  My last pregnancy ended after 7 months, but we are working on the 8th month of pregnancy in March.  It’s kind of odd to already have experience in labor and delivery, but have no idea what happens after 30 weeks.  Hopefully, I will be learning a lot and be leaning on God through it all.
  • Warmer weather and sunshine.  Usually, in March, I start to plan and plant my garden for the year by picking out the vegetables, flowers, and herbs that I will grow in my outdoor garden.  This year, I will probably delay this until the summer or have a late fall garden (although, I may wait until next year, altogether.  At least, I have my indoor mint herb kit).  Instead, though, I do hope to spend some time outside, enjoying the warmer weather, maybe bringing a book or two and a blanket.
  • House Projects.  Instead of a garden focus this year, we will be doing a lot of house projects.  Chalk it up to nesting or whatever, but Michael and I decided that we are going to try to knock out as many of these to-dos on our list as possible this month.  We already have some set in motion, and still, have to make final decisions on others.  But I’m hoping that it will all be accomplished before our new arrival this Spring.

You guys, this month’s secondary theme is unknown territory.  I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot in my videos, but it’s true.  I am cautiously anticipating this month for sure!

Anticipating February

Last month, instead of making a goals list for the year, I decided to embrace a particular word.  This year’s word is anticipation.  I shared a few things I was anticipating in January, so I wanted to do the same thing for February.

But first, I want to look back in January at a few of the things I shared.  It wasn’t the slower, quieter rhythm I thought it would be.  In fact, that very first full week was one of the busiest social ones I have had in a while.  But as the month progressed, the rhythms did slow, mostly as a necessity to my anxiety.

And I did get into a rhythm of time with God each day, including some devotional time and prayer journal time.  This has also been a necessity with my anxiety in this pregnancy.

We did have some cooler temps, but no snow.  But there were definitely some cozy nights and comfort foods throughout the month.

Now, in the month of February, I am anticipating a few things as well.

anticipation

  • An elevated state of anxiety.  Over the last few weeks, my anxiety has gotten higher and evolved with an addition of agoraphobic tendencies.  These next few weeks, especially, are going to be hard, as they were the same weeks in my last pregnancy that my daughter passed away.
  • A celebration of anniversaries.  Valentine’s Day is this month.  Surrounding this holiday are a few little anniversaries in our relationship – namely when we began dating and when we got engaged.  It’s neat to reminisce about the beginnings of what would become our life together.  I am very grateful to have this man in my life.
  • A few bits of entertainment.  This month, the Black Panther Marvel movie is coming out.  I’ve been looking forward to seeing this since I saw the first trailer.  But in addition to this, my book binging has continued.  I’m finishing up a book right now, and I already have four books in my TBR (to be read) pile.  Plus, a friend of mine has put me on to another author, so I have that to check out as well.  I don’t suspect that I will finish all of these books this month, but a lot of reading in my future makes me smile.

Like every month, I suppose, this one will probably have ups and downs.  I look forward to seeing how this month will unfold!

My No Goals Resolution

I’ve always been someone who likes to make goals or challenges for weeks, months, seasons, or even years at a time.  I love the feeling of progress and improvement.  I’m a planner and organizer.  It’s who I have been, especially the last 10-15 years.

But this year is the most unclear year I’ve experienced to date.  When I look ahead into any given year, it’s easy to make goals because I have some idea how the year is going to go.  Some of the rhythms are still there, but for the most part, I don’t know where this year’s path will take me.  This makes it difficult for me to plan in measurable steps, so this year, I’m embracing a word.

anticipation

Dictionary.com’s definition of anticipation is:

realization in advance; foretaste.
expectation or hope.
previous notion; slight previous impression.
intuition, foreknowledge, or prescience.

 

I’ve boiled these down to this: Anticipation is looking into the unknown with a joyful hope to see what God will do next.

 

Obviously, the big anticipation of this year is my pregnancy.  It’s scary and exciting and curious to see what God will do throughout this pregnancy.  He has already done so many things.  So many conversations and connections have been made with old friends and new ones.  Yet, it is all still unknown, leaving me in a state of anticipation.

I also anticipate other aspects of my life to become clearer.  I have been given a couple of opportunities in the last few months as possible future career options.  There are so many possibilities and paths I could take.  While I couldn’t possibly do all of them, I anticipate that timing will play a big part of it.  And it’s a timing that I can’t see yet in my future.  There’s nothing to do right now but wait…and anticipate that with God’s guidance, things will be revealed in their own time.

But anticipation isn’t just for the big unknowns in my life.  Anticipation can be looking forward to the more familiar, smaller events, even if it’s not completely clear how exactly things will go.

For example, in the month of January, I anticipate a slower, quieter rhythm.  Michael starts his busy season soon, which will bring long hours and possible travel.  We are hoping that the travel and long hours aren’t as much as they have been in year’s past, but we will have to see.

Some fun things I anticipate in January are cooler weather temps, comfort foods, cozy sweaters, and snuggles with the pups.  Being in Texas, these can also be unknowns.  I’ve seen snow follow a heat spell before.  But I would love to have one good snow, just to see how Teddy reacts to it.

I know that because January tends to be slower and quieter, it can be a great reminder and opportunity to take advantage of this time by spending it with God.  The busyness of the year will come soon enough, and prayer time and devotionals will eventually feel rushed and harried.  But in this month, I can anticipate and appreciate the intentional stillness with God.

Anticipation is nothing without keeping my eyes on God.  As this year continues, I hope to keep looking for the movements of God in my life and in the lives around me.  To anticipate his presence in all aspects of my life and help me walk through the unknowns set before me.